What good leaders can learn from bad bosses.
Your new book begins with a bold statement: “Bad bosses aren’t born bad – bad bosses are made.” What are some of the most common ways well-meaning leaders unknowingly morph into bad bosses?
There can be three key moments when we can morph into a bad boss. First, pressure from the financial markets and what’s happening in our industry. If we have lost a customer, if our competitor is outperforming us with a new innovation, or there’s natural disasters, conflict, and wars impacting our day to day operations, this can create stress in the organization. Second, if our boss is struggling in their career, if they are toxic or incapable of leading, we can take on this stress and also start to exhibit bad behaviors. Third, we can be impacted by things that have nothing to do with work that shakes our confidence and rocks our world.
When I lost my dad suddenly in 2017, I found myself embracing a number of bad boss behaviors, including swinging from micromanaging to being completely disengaged, and also losing my temper at my team. I was grieving the loss of my father and unable to communicate and be vulnerable with my team on what I was feeling.
Why do you think we send emails at midnight? How can we stop ourselves from engaging in this behavior?
I have been guilty of sending emails at midnight. We can do this when we are stressed and can’t sleep. We want to stay productive. We didn’t have enough time to talk to our teams during the day, so this is the only time we can communicate with them. We want to just send that one last email and get it off our to do list. And assign it to someone else.
And when we repeatedly email at midnight (and keep responding when others email us back), and expect people to be back at work the day continuing to make an impact, it’s just not sustainable. It can lead to a loss of productivity and burnout, and ultimately, individuals leaving our organization. When talent walks out the door, the cost is higher than we might think. According to Gallup, the cost of replacing an individual employee who resigns can be anywhere from one-half to two times their annual salary—and that’s a conservative estimate. In totality, US businesses lose close to $1 trillion every year to employees quitting.”
If we are consistently emailing early morning or late evening hours, because this is the only time we have available for our teams, it’s time to reevaluate how we spend our time at work. I treat my calendar like my wardrobe, declutter, and get rid of meetings that have no agenda, recurring meetings that should have been cancelled, meetings I don’t need to attend, meetings we don’t need where work can be reviewed offline, and more. This way I free up time to meet with my team in person, to coach and communicate, rather than constantly emailing and filling up their inboxes.
You’ve survived – and learned from – some shockingly bad boss behavior, including a shoe-throwing manager and another who called you a rat. What kept you going in those situations, and what lesson did you take away on how you want to lead?
There’s nothing like working for a bad boss – particularly a terrifying and toxic one- to tightly bond those who are experiencing this traumatic situation together. I was fortunate during these moments to have strong support from my family and friends, and also coworkers who were trying to survive these bad bosses alongside me. It was an important reminder of the power of community to help us during some of these painful career moments.
In terms of my own leadership style, I now more closely observe and watch for how other leaders lead. Individuals can be great at managing up and crafting a persona about themselves in the workplace. But how does their team react to them? What do their nonverbals look like when that leader walks into that room? Do people seem excited, indifferent, or maybe even uncomfortable in their presence?
I wish more senior leaders believed me when I shared what was happening to me in the workplace. And I wish they were more observant and noticed the damage these bad bosses were wreaking on their organization. If I have someone behaving badly on my team, they can have an opportunity to work on themselves and show up to do better and be better. And if they repeatedly cause harm in the workplace, they need to exit and move on and hopefully get the help they need.
In today’s always-on work culture, behaviors like micromanaging in the name of productivity have become normalized. How can leaders recognize when their “high standards” are actually driving disengagement?
When we create “high standards” that are actually impossible to meet, our team will at first scramble and try to keep up with the pace and expectations. When we micromanage and redo all of their work, they will slowly become disengaged. They will wonder: What’s the point of even trying when my boss just does my work for me? And nothing is good enough? According to Gallup’s State of the Global Workplace report, “employees who are not engaged or who are actively disengaged cost the world $8.8 trillion in lost productivity.” That’s equal to 9% of global GDP.
Watch for the signs of disengagement. This can include missed deadlines and delivering low quality work; no longer volunteering ideas or taking initiative; skipping meetings, staying silent when in meetings, avoiding team interactions; frequently late or calling in sick; lack of communication, vague communication or avoids and more. Rather than labeling them a poor performer, and planning their exit, it’s time to take a look in the mirror and consider how our behavior may be the cause of disengagement.
Especially if there is more than one person on your team who has become disengaged.
Finally, reflect specifically on your behavior and if you are in fact micromanaging. Instead of trying to control every aspect of the work, shift your energy to focus on the output. Focus on being aligned on the objective with the team. Ensure everyone has a clear understanding of what you want the end result to be. If there’s a template to follow, use that. If not, let the team create a template and advise them on key elements. Let them know key questions you anticipate leadership may ask. Coach them on ways to present the material in a way that’s easy to understand with clear next steps And don’t fix mistakes for them and redo their work. As tempting as that may be, remember your job is to teach them and guide them so they don’t repeat that mistake again.
Give your teams the space to take initiative, to drive and own their work, to test and try things, and to also fail. Clap loudly and proudly for them when they do well. Have their backs and provide air cover when they fail. Allow them to grow as individuals- and as leaders.
You’ve said it’s easy to call out bad bosses—but harder to look in the mirror. What are a few practical ways managers can do a self-check to ensure they’re not becoming the very boss they once dreaded?
Find quiet moments to pause and reflect on what you think you are doing well and what you can be improving upon at work. Don’t just focus on the final output, review how you got there. Focus on your interactions with others, how they react to you, whether or not you are clear on your expectations, and how you communicate with each other. Do this monthly and build it into your work routine.
Then, take it a step further. Ask those who work for you and your peers to give you feedback. Don’t just spring this on them. Send a note in advance of meeting one on one letting them know that you are looking for specific feedback. Share what you think your strengths are and what you would like to work on. By doing this, you give them time to process and prepare. By leading with vulnerability, you also allow them to share with honesty their feedback. And, they may even in turn ask you for feedback.
Finally, watch out for those pressure cooker moments and the ups and downs at the conference room table and at our kitchen room tables. Remember the devil emails at midnight. Let’s make sure that devil doesn’t become you.
Mita Mallick is a culture and business transformation expert, known for championing inclusive storytelling and innovative, purpose-driven strategies. With a career spanning marketing, HR, and DEI leadership roles at companies like Unilever, Pfizer, AVON, and Carta, she has built ecosystems that future-proof brands and foster belonging. A Wall Street Journal and USA Today bestselling author of Reimagine Inclusion, Mallick’s next book, The Devil Emails at Midnight, is due out from Wiley in September 2025. Mita is a popular LinkedIn Top Voice and a Thinkers50 Radar honoree, who contributes regularly to Harvard Business Review, Fast Company, and Adweek, and has been featured in The New York Times, Forbes, and more.
